After reading Burnsy’s account of Courtney Stodden’s tweets and then your corresponding suicidal responses I found myself feeling helpless. 86K followers? How? Why? She must be some sort of sorceress. Who could possibly take her on? If only there were one man impossibly bad*ss enough to stare down evil…

Enter Liam F’n Neeson and his post-Taken movie persona. Vince featured the latest movie poster for The Grey yesterday. The one that prominently displays Liam’s airplane bottle knife hands as he’s charging a pack of wild wolves in the desolate Alaskan frontier. Yep, he’s the man for the job. And with The Grey releasing this week this seems like the appropriate time to put Liam up to the challenge.

I’ve taken a stab at five so far. The one above was most definitely therapeutic. Horace would be hemorrhaging in seconds. Templates are here and here and in the final two slides. Since UPROXX staff now has embed powers just upload your contribution to imgur, share the url in the comments, and if it’s not offensive we’ll embed it.

Liam, if one of your particular set of skills is photoshop, please join in.

Read the rest of this entry »

Some things are too important to wait until the morning to post. This is one of those things.

…And he’s drunk on Snake Juice dancing wild with a tiny little hat on his head,
a libertarian he-ro because he wants ze-ro budget appropriations.

…

You can’t faze him,
RON F*CKING SWANSON,
YOU can’t stop him,
RON F*CKING SWANSON,
Indiana’s favorite,
RON F*CKING SWANSON,
Boss of all bosses,
RON F*CKING SWANSON.

Hey yo rest in peace Little Sebastian man you know that we miss you,
what else could make Ron F*cking Swanson cry gonna need a tissue…

Respect, Adam Warrock. Respect. The full song is after the jump.

Read the rest of this entry »

I’ve spent most of the day today with a browser window open to the “Inappropriate Radio DJ” meme page on Quick Meme, and I’m just now getting around to devoting a post to it. I was hesitant for a bit there, for some reason convinced that I might be in the minority of people who find humor in the meme due to the fact that I come from an area where radio DJs are particularly absurd, crass and over-the-top.

But then I talked to friend via Gchat who reassured me that cheesedick radio DJs aren’t limited to South Louisiana — they’re pretty much everywhere. (I swear I knew this — it’s just that the ones where I grew up make others seem like staid, intelligent NPR hosts.) I’ve been fascinated with how DJs are wired, specifically morning drive DJs, for as long as I can imagine. Like, who has that kind of energy at 6am? Is it cocaine? Some rush of adrenaline from being on the air. I just could never get how they could be so cheesy AND TALK LIKE THIS when most of us are at our worst. Regardless, enjoy Inappropriate Radio DJ. People keep saying technology will make him extinct soon, but I’m convinced he’s not going away. Just like the cockroach.

Read the rest of this entry »

Stop me if you’ve heard this, but apparently the internet can occasionally be overly hyper-critical. Shocking, I know! You’ll never see it on UPROXX — where the blindfolded lady holding the justice scale may as well be our mascot — but in the places it does happen it apparently has something to do with everyone on the internet having a voice and 99% of those voices being anonymous. At the forefront of this hyper-criticism is beauty, or the perception of beauty, especially in woman. Ivy League professors are dedicating their time and resources to develop photoshop scales, so this is definitely a thing.

4Channers and Redditors alike recently took a short break from slandering one another to take a stand against the delusional standards being cultivated on the internet with “2/10 Would Not Bang,” a new meme deriving from pimply standby, Butthurt Dweller internet commenter, who can find a flaw in even the most attractive of women. The concept is brilliantly simple. Find a photo of an uber attractive female, give her a “2″ on a ten scale, and then point out ever flaw possible, the more outlandish the better. For example, 63.27% forehead-to-face ratio. Classic. She’s obviously heinous.

“Would Not Bang” is still in its infancy. I’ve included the handful that meet my comedy quota and don’t exceed our T&A threshold. In the world I want to live in we would tackle more issues with the combination of eye candy and passive aggressive parody. Bravo, internet.

Read the rest of this entry »

Dear God,

Look, you know how I feel about you, specifically how I’m skeptical, to say the least, about your existence. But you know that I try to respect others who do have that blind faith in you that the bible says you demand. THAT SHOULD COUNT FOR SOMETHING!!! Besides, I’ve spent countless hours in churches over the course of my life trying to get you. It just never happened. You can’t blame me for that, right?

So look — I’m coming to you in prayer with a simple plea: Make this whole Chris Rock/Dave Chappelle comedy tour thing that Rock is trying to make happen come to fruition, will ya? I’ll consider dropping in more often if you do.

XO,
Cajun

“I’ve been talking to Chappelle a lot. Been trying to get Chappelle to go on tour…You know I’m not the hard one…But I’m trying to make that happen. After seeing Kanye and Jay-Z, I was like, ‘Me and Dave should do this.’”

Please God, PLEASE!!!

Read the rest of this entry »

According to the description on the video’s YouTube page, this collaboration between Wilco and King Features is the first hand-drawn Popeye’s cartoon in over 30 years. In addition to Popeye himself, all the old standbys make cameos: Wimpy, Bluto, Olive Oyl and Swee’ Pea. It’s kind of awesome.

I have to say, watching this left me feeling kind of nostalgic for the old Popeye cartoons. When I was a kid, there was a local show that aired on a TV station in New Orleans called “Popeye and Pals” that would show the old cartoons in front of an audience of kids eating Popeyes fried chicken. There are some pretty awesome clips of the show on YouTube, including this one where a young Peyton Manning pops up in a sporting goods store commercial with his dad Archie at the 8:46 mark.

ANYWAY, enjoy…

Read the rest of this entry »

We don’t often run iPhone rumors here, because that’s the entire rest of the Internet’s job. We’ll stick to other stuff, but sometimes we make an exception, and this would be one of them.

Read the rest of this entry »

After last week’s glorious “Bobby Newport. BOBby NEWport. BobBY NewPORT.” scene I couldn’t hold off giving Jerry Gergich the “Best of #” treatment any longer. He’s inching closer and closer to being my favorite character on television. Or at least top ten. He’s definitely my favorite secondary supporting character (i.e. doesn’t make the opening credits) on any show on television. Thanks to Community for promoting Jim Rash and making that distinction easy. Daddy’s not great at picking favorites.

Throughout the history of television the running doormat character has played an important — if not integral — role. In my opinion no show has ever accomplished this quite as masterfully as Parks has with Jerry though. It’s to the point where he has his own doormat mythology. His real name is Gary! Gary! Maybe it says something about me or a latent bullying personality trait that resides in the recesses of my brain but I honestly can’t get enough of Jerry torment. Is it too late to request a conference room bottle episode for this season?

Parks is a show that manages to be edgy while also having a heart, but there’s no heart shown towards Jerry, which is one of things that keeps it edgy. I love that. Even if it only makes a modicum of sense. So here’s every scrap of Jerry-related humor I could find. I see no way it doesn’t improve your Monday. “He had one job to do.”

Read the rest of this entry »

One of the many things that get uploaded to YouTube — which is now seeing a century of video being uploaded to it every ten days — these days are a slew of college recruitment videos, whether it be for athletics, fraternities, sororities, academic clubs, etc. Most of them are awful, some hilariously so.

But then there are others, a rare few, that are AWESOME. The video below promoting the merits of playing sports at Benedictine University is one of those, looking and feeling like something Stephen Colbert would have produced while on an acid trip. Beneath the vid on YouTube it reads, “No Description Available.” And that’s probably how it should be — words simply don’t do it justice.

WARNING: If an exploding moon, the Eiffel Tower getting knocked down with a golf shot and a volleyball getting spiked through the Earth aren’t your thing, don’t watch this. Consider yourself warned.

Read the rest of this entry »

If you’ve watched Stephen Colbert’s show with any regularity over the past few years, you know that the best interviews he ever does are with people who don’t seem to be in on the joke. How that is ever the case at this point is beyond me, but it does still happen, and it’s even funnier if the person who doesn’t seem to be in on the joke is a grumpy old man.

With that said, 83 year-old iconic children’s book author Maurice Sendak — most notable for “Where the Wild Things Are” — is a grumpy old man, and he didn’t appear to me to be in on the joke at times last night. Predictably, hilarity ensued.

Honestly, it was one of the best Colbert Report segments I’ve ever seen. And there’s a second part to it that’s going to air tonight, so you know it must be good if they’re having to split it into two parts (Editing be damned!). Spoiler alert: Sendak doesn’t appear to be very fond of children, despite devoting his life to writing books for them. Enjoy.

Read the rest of this entry »

Like most corporate social media/viral marketing campaigns, it all started innocently enough. Probably the brainchild of some fresh-faced college grad charged with handling the McDonald’s Twitter account who was just looking to validate receiving a paycheck.

“Hey I’ve got an idea…why not have our followers tell some of their favorite stories about McDonald’s on Twitter,” is how I’m guessing it all started. Then it all went so horribly wrong.

According to a McDonald’s flack…

Last Thursday, we planned to use two different hashtags during a promoted trend – #meetthefarmers and #mcdstories.

While #meetthefarmers was used for the majority of the day and successful in raising awareness of the Supplier Stories campaign, #mcdstories did not go as planned. We quickly pulled #mcdstories and it was promoted for less than two hours.

Yeah, “did not go as planned” is one way of putting it. Another way of putting it is “Did you really think the legions of McDonald’s haters weren’t going to take something like this and run with it?”

Sadly, many of the original, hilarious tweets are buried under people retweeting articles about this disaster, but we managed to find a few for you to enjoy, or vomit from, in the next few slides, along with a few we’ve borrowed from Hypervocal and Buzzfeed. Enjoy.

Read the rest of this entry »

The one thing that will always play on the internet without fail is cats. This is fact. There have been studies. If there’s another thing it’s movie posters. Photoshops, minimals, re-imaginings, you name it. People f’n love movie posters. And if there’s a third thing it’s probably fetish porn. But not far behind that would be animal puns. With all that in mind I find it kind of hard to believe that this is the first collection of feline-centric remade movie posters I’ve seen on the world wide web.

From Next Movie — a newish (?) MTV site I’ve never heard of where someone has clearly taken a course on getting-your-name-out-there web marketing (moar kitties!) — comes “7 Movie Favorites Recast with Cats.” Favorites is a bit of a stretch. I’d only only call three of these favorites. The rest are middling to Twilight. And to deem Twilight a favorite is a furry paw in the face.

So yeah, these aren’t brilliant or anything, but they’ll pull us through a slow morning. Especially that one Reservoir Cat’s Buscemi impersonation. Talk about nailing it. He must have spent some time observing Steve from his stoop.

Read the rest of this entry »