As I’m sure you’re all aware the Season 4 Parks and Recreation finale is tonight. And I wouldn’t be doing my job here if I didn’t put together some sort of primer to amplify the paradoxical feelings of excitement and sadness that comes with such an event, especially when this could possibly be the end of all the brilliance.

I don’t know about you guys, but I’m not too invested in the outcome of the Knope campaign. Sure, it’s been a fun storyline — and without it we wouldn’t have Bobby Newport or Burt Macklin’s investigation into the mystery pie thrower — but I’m not actually emotionally invested in the outcome. What I am emotionally invested in is Swansonisms. Should NBC decide tonight is the end of Parks — *shakes fist* BOOOOO! *shakes fist* — I for one will be most distraught over no longer receiving my weekly piece of sage advice from Ron F’n Swanson.

So let’s relive some of the best Swansonisms Season 4 had to offer, shall we? The pieces of dialog the internet grabbed hold of and refused to let die. There I go getting all sappy.

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Dave MacDowell “Lord Of The Lebowski’s”

Two artists we love will be exhibiting their work tonight at Gallery 1988‘s Venice location in Los Angeles starting at 7 PM. We’ve already featured Dave MacDowell‘s work at Gamma Squad and Film Drunk, and the painting above is a good representation of his skilled caricature mashups of beloved works. We’ve also been meaning to feature the pop culture family portraits of Kirk Demarais for awhile. His colored pencil drawings evoke the awkward formal portraits we all had to sit for with our families at some point, but he uses the awkward family photo style to pay tribute to the families in our favorite TV shows and movies.

Our favorite works from the show are below. These and the rest can be viewed at Gallery 1988 and may still be available to buy.

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The crack team over at Vulture recently put together a chart to determine which month has released the highest number of officially anointed Song of the Summers over the past 20 years. Their findings are what you’d expect: May (7), followed by April (5) then March (4). That means there’s a good chance this year’s song that you’re going to hear every five seconds from every radio from every car has already come out, or will do so very shortly.

In a perfect world, the Song of the Summer would be something by Best Coast or Tenacious D or Beach House (most depressing summer ever). But, as we know all too well, it’s going to be something like “Hot in Herre” by Nelly or “Umbrella” by Rihanna. Because I’m a biased, indie rock-loving d-bag, I scoured the Internet to see what other people think will be this year’s, um, “Macarena.” Here are seven possibilities. (Banner via)

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When Josh checked in yesterday with our friend the Hammster he was spitting hot fire with the “Comedy Bang Bang” crew. Today he continues on his quest to prove he’s good at everything by rolling out of bed, tossing on his finest Cardinals World Series champs t-shirt, and effortlessly providing near perfect advice to the females of tomorrow.

Clearly someone behind RookieMag.com — “an online publication for teenage girls” — has serious pull and can call in favors from the likes of Jon Hamm — and Paul Rudd before him — to participate in the site’s video Q&A series, “Ask a Grown Man.” The level of access relative to the subject matter is kind of amazing. Where Paul Rudd discussed the appeal of boobs to men, Jon Hamm takes on wardrobe preferences, the fun of making out vs. the complications of going all the way, and — of course — farting. Hamm was a high school drama teacher, so I imagine that’s why he’s so good at this, but still his ability to aloofly yet sincerely answer these questions is kind of remarkable.

There aren’t any teenage girls in my life that I’m aware of, but if there were I’d send this over with a “watch so you can be a better person” note ASAP. And seriously Britney, commit.

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If you’ve spent any time at all on Facebook or Twitter today, you’ve probably noticed that A LOT of people are talking about the new cover of Time magazine — for some reason — marking the first time in years anyone outside of your Aunt Mildred has talked about Time magazine in public.

Inevitably, some media outlet, possibly Time itself, will do an oral history of the photo shoot for the cover — the full, slightly NSFW version of which is after the jump — 20 years or so down the line, in which someone will interview cover model Jamie Lynne Grumet, her teet-suckling son Aram, photographer Martin Schoeller and others who were there the day the cover photo was shot to get their perspectives on it. Here’s how I imagine it will go.

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After Adam “MCA” Yauch’s passing last Friday, tributes have been showing up everywhere, like these and this. Now Virgin America made their play to be the early frontrunner for today’s best tribute to MCA of the Beastie Boys. Even though they haven’t performed the song live in about 25 years, a “(You Gotta) Fight for Your Right (to Party!)” reference is sure to be recognized and appreciated by the average person seeing the sign at an airport. This is a sure shot.

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For the most part, President Obama’s gay marriage announcement yesterday, which you may have heard about, was greeted with celebration, if not “ABOUT DAMN TIME.” For the most part.

However, deep in the darkest part of the internet’s as$hole, where Taggart from Blazing Saddles is considered a role model, room temperature IQ dolts everywhere either misread the news or immediately deduced that because Obama’s for gay marriage, or at least not against gay marriage, well, he MUST be gay. Ipso facto and sh*t LOL.

I’m, of course, talking about Twitter, where any dullard with a laptop (or access to a local library, where they can reserve a spot on a desktop) can voice their opinion. And boy did the idiots come out yesterday! Here are 20 folks who believe that Obama is gay, oftentimes using very emphatic language to make their, um, point. As much as I love America and free speech, I hate these people so much.

(Pic via Shutterstock)

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With the Parks and Recreation season finale in store for us this Thursday and the triumphant return of Burt Macklin last Thursday, I think it’s high time we finally dedicate this spot to everyone’s favorite dim-witted-but-lovable Mouse Rat front man, Andy Dwyer.

If 2011 was “The Year of Swanson” I’m becoming more and more inclined to deem 2012 “The Year of Dwyer.” What Macklin’s alter ego lacks in fan art and motivational posters he makes up for with undeniable likability and scene-stealing moment after scene-stealing moment. Actually, forget moments. Andy Dwyer has been busy stealing entire episodes the last two weeks. I’m pretty sure I could watch Stallone impersonations and Macklin codenames in succession over and over again for the rest of my life.

So let’s soak it all up before we wander into the Dwyer-less days of summer that none of us — not even the President’s enemies — are fully prepared for.

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I didn’t get to catch Conan last night but it was for the best as this morning I was greeted on Tumblr by the above GIFs that I think everyone should experience with limited context before actually watching the clip.

OK, now that you’ve taken it in, the lady yoga mounter is Nina Dobrev. She’s a young starlet on that CW show about vampires that I’d like to think none of you watches unless it is in some way getting you laid. She and Conan were talking physical fitness backstage and it somehow culminated with the demonstration. Full, highly entertaining clip after the jump.

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On of my few regrets about Jazz Fest 2012 is that I didn’t make it out to the Fairgrounds last Thursday to see Florence and the Machine perform. I came up with every excuse not to — it was hot, I was tired from a long day of work, my left knee was stiff and achy — I could go on and on. Meanwhile, I failed to consider how hearing Florence Welch’s voice in person is such a soul-rattling revelation. Her performance on Letterman last night reminded me of this.

Seriously, the woman has some goddamn pipes, no?

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Former Kate Moss banger/drug person Pete Doherty is auctioning off a bunch of his crap (gee, I wonder what he’ll do with that money?), including a painting Amy Winehouse made of herself with her own blood.

Reports CBS Vegas:

Multiple sources are reporting that the former lead singer of Libertines will sell the painting, a small piece entitled “Ladylike,” alongside items such as instruments, diaries and articles of clothing.The auction will be held at the Cob Gallery in London on Friday, as part of an exhibition of Doherty’s blood-infused works called “On Blood: A Portrait of the Artist”.”

“Blood plays the starring role in my work,” he said of the exhibition to the website Gigwise. “Sweat and tears are often waiting in the wings.”

The self-portrait is anticipated to earn over $100,000.

I still can’t believe this guy got to bone Kate Moss for years. Also, how is he still alive?

Hey, look, a new incentive to not buy DVDs!

That ridiculously over-the-top logo, right there, will be your new, unskippable, ten-second long warning on all DVDs when you watch a movie on DVD. Paired with the other classic unskippable warning from the FBI about how stealing movies is wrong.

Here’s the thing: yes, movie piracy is not a victimless crime, and we’d also argue that it’s pointless — unlike music, if you don’t want to pay ten bucks to see a movie, all you really have to do is wait about six months and you can get it from Netflix or Redbox for dirt.

But does the government realize that annoying warnings like this are one of the reasons why people download pirated movies in the first place? To avoid all this unskippable crap?

(Image courtesy the National Intellectual Property Rights Protection Center)